Monday, August 12, 2019

Korban

Kadang -kadang dalam hidup ni 
Kita tak rancang
Tapi dia jadi

Sebab asal kejadian
Semua adalah atas perancancangan Tuhan
"kita merancang,
Tuhan pun merancang,
sebaik-baik rancangan adalah rancangan Tuhan"

Tak pernah terbayang
Aku akan melihat ibadah korban
betul-betul di depan mata,
seorang diri. takdak orang teman.

Amazingly, aku tak rasa asing.
Padahal kan,
Aku kat negeri orang.
Bukan kat negeri Darul Takzim.

I should feel awkward,
feel isolated,
rasa serba tak kena.
Sebab aku tau,aku siapa.
Dan sepatutnya,aku patut rasa begitu haritu. Tapi,tak.

Tuhan titipkan aku peluang,
masa, keadaan yang aku rasa paling baik.
Parking senang nak dapat,senang nak keluar. Walaupun waktu tu waktu puncak.
Lembu kecik molek,tak gemuk tak kurus.
Dalam banyak-banyak tu, dia berdua je dengan kawan dia kat kawasan tu.
Dia tak melawan,
tak lari,
tapi dia kedua terakhir.
Berkali-kali lalu depan dia,tak jumpa-jumpa.

At the end of the day,
Aku rasa sayu.
Mendengar alunan takbir,
saat proses sembelihan berlaku.
Sangat pantas.
Ada puluhan lembu, semua habis disembelih tak sampai waktu tengah hari.
Pantas dan tuntas.

Urusetia kata ada sup daging kalau tunggu.
Pehhhh aku tatau la camna depa buat.
Cepat gile.
Hasil gotong royong.
Tapi,aku tak sempat tunggu.
Sempat cilok mokte pun cukup daaaa..

Tahun ni sangat sayu dan rileks.
Syukur.

The age of Adaline (review)


Adaline,
A sophisticated and elegant young lady. 

She seems perfect. 
A very pretty, good looking woman. 
Ms-know-it-all.
She could have the world with that look and charms. 

Instead, she works at a library. 
She owns a dog. 
She lives a quiet and decent life. 
She stays away from crowds. 
She stays away from LOVE. 

LOVE fortunately finds its way. 
It will find the right time and the right place to its right owners.
LOVE is a heart's business. 

Ellis knows her woman well. 
He never once force his feeling on Adaline (or that time, she was Jenny). 
He follows his gut and take a risky chance.
Adaline on the other hand, 
Builds a wall and keep running away. 

Why bother to take a chance, 
For things which have no future? 
Adaline, 
Forever would be 29.
They would not grow old together if they were meant to be a couple. 

She is living
But has no life. 
Has no LOVE. 
All men and dogs she had, 
either she left him or they left her. 
She was alone and the loneliness was unbearable. 
She had enough of getting hurt and hurting people and would them all. 
She just could not explain, 
Why she's not aging, 
to a complete stranger.

Until, 
She finally accidentally met Ellis's father, William. 
Adaline was a near miss to William. 
He almost propose to Adaline. 
Until, 
She disappeared. 
William was heartbroken. 
So did Adaline. 

At that moment of time, 
They indeed loved each other but
the timing was a way off. 

William never forget his love to Adaline. 
He vividly remember her. 
The way she looked. 
The way she talked.
And the way she thought of a thing. 
Which eventually makes her wife, jealous. 
Jealousy is a form of LOVE too, hihi . 

William know Jenny is indeed Adaline. 
From the scar,she had on her left palm. 
He vividly remembered. 
As he himself stitched her. 
He was a med student at that time. 

He then, 
confronts her for an explanation. 
"Haaaa, time ni aku da teriak abis daaaa"
Adaline admitted. 
And get scared all over again. 
Getting scared of hurting Ellis and getting hurt.
She running away,again (by driving, of course).

But, 
She had a second thought along the way. 
She pulled over. 
And decided to get back to Ellis. 

But then, 
A pickup van ran over her car. 
The driver was running away. 
She was badly injured. 
Then, Ellis arrived at scene. 
He tried to save her. 
But could'nt.
Adaline's heart eventually stop beating. 
At the age of 107 years old. 

As the lightning striked Adaline 8 decades ago, which makes her to stay young.. 
This time, the delibrator 'reboot' her genes and system. 
She catches her 1st breath again. 
As a new person. 

She now no longer running away. 
She confronts her feeling for Ellis.
She tells him the true about herself. 

As LOVE is when nothing makes a sense without her, Ellis openly accepted her for the way she had been. 

Could you imagine, 
Falling in LOVE to a 107 years old lady? 
Hehe. 

Time is ageless. 
It has no border. 
It could never be measured. 
It's unit-less. 
It exists but never existed. 
It exists if we appreciate them. 
It will be gone if we take it for granted. 

I miss you. 
-NFM-













Friday, March 29, 2019

Life with acne

Have been battling acne throughout my life. Acne starts to be a nightmare, right after my SPM. It starts to attack one side of the face - the right side. Then it starts to spread to the left while the right is recovering.

All petua and method had been tried. 
Gone to the doctor while in matriculation, been diagnosed with vulgaris type of acne. Been given antibiotic for 2months straight, coupled with tretinoin and benzoyl peroxide. Got itchy and blister and burnt. Stop the treatment. 

Going to the main campus. 
Still got acne, it's not going anywhere. 
Mak belanja new york. 10 times treatment worth a month salary in 2012. The acne got subsided but the maintenance cost is way too costly for a student. I got books and food to be bought too. Hahaha. 

Acne journey makes me grateful for each day. If you may found my skin at it worst now, you are not meeting me while i was 18! It was that bad. Allah, syukur alhamdulillah. My skin is bad, but it had its worst before. 

Ustaz kata, atas nama nikmat dunia.. Kita perlu melihat mereka yang lebih kurang dari kita. Yang diuji lagi berat dari kita. Untuk kita menjadi orang yang lebih bersyukur. 

Tapi dalam soal akhirat, ustaz kata kita perlu melihat orang yang lebih hebat dari kita. Yang ngajinya masyaAllah perfect, yang amal jariahnya masyaAllah berterusan. Agar kita berlumba-lumba ke arah kebaikan. 

So the following will become my reference for the future. Kita tengok tara mana it helps my skin. 

The essential: 
1. Nutox cleansing oil - if i wear foundation.
2. Eversoft 100% organic Yuzu/cetaphile
3. Mechanical exfoliation/Scrub: St Ives oat/acne, anything gentle exfoliation factor.
4. Chemical exfoliation (occasionally) : medicube ZERO keratin pad.



The after wash:
1. Toner - So far i love safi. Safi rania before this and safi aloevera this time. It does its work, and not melekit like nutox.
2. Lotion/moisturizer - tak jumpa yang best lagi. This time i tried naruko and it had passed its half bottle marks. That's mean ok la, my skin bole hadap sikit dia ni.


The treatment:
1. Eucerin Pro Acne solution: i used it occasionally during breakout, and use it at night only. 
2. Spot treatment: Tidact. Before this, i choose oxy 5%. Caution! Put it lightly and senipis boleh. Do not lump onto the acne. I know you tend to get angry and frustrated at the acne and you might wanna kill it instantly but the spot treatment does not work that way. You skin may burnt and darken. So i prefer the serum that this spot treatment. 
3. Hiruscar post acne: to lessen the dark spot. 
4. Aloevera Fruit of the Earth: to sooth the redness and bumps. Sometimes i put it, if the acne develops a pus. It helps me to deal with the pain. The I use hiruscar after it heals. 

The internal:
Kinohimitsu. Lychee flavored. This one good but i stopped taking it, as i develop allergic to it. Now the allergic had gone, we give it a go again, shall we?



That's it. 
Now i passed my 30's and acne had empowered me. I love me, for the scars and for the ups and downs. 


Saturday, March 23, 2019

Advice to a year older me

Don't be afraid to take a chance
To choose a path
To engrave your footprint

Be composed. 
Don't jump into your emotion
You are cooler than you think

Always be nice to people
Never let others take advantage of you
Explain
If ignored, walk away
You worth more than that
Jangan amik kerja Tuhan

Wake up early
Never procrastinate 
Especially your solah
You may find an extra hours by doing so

Time is relative
It doesn't really exist
Literally it doesn't feel the same 
For every one and each of us
Go ahead
And fine your own time
Never compare
You're your own obstacles 

Cherish moment with families
They matter most
That others

Hopefully now, 
you already find your other half. 
If not, it just not the right time for you
Never be scared
Allah always with you. 
I love me now, and my older me which is YOU!